We got so high we made milksteak
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
