dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
