How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
