I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Are we still banned from the library?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
