Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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