she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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