I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
