His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
