btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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