Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
4 words: hood of his car
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
