we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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