I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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