Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
