I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
