I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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