I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
