Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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