Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
