i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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