Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
