i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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