so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
