grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
