Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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