She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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