I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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