The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
