my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
