just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
