she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
