It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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