Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
