Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's just like the Real World with babies
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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