yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
