Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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