I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
