He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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