if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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