he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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