I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
