also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
