what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My pussy is not your playground.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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