I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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