Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
