That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have fence marks all over my body
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
