My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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