she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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