Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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