so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
