There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
