Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
