How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
