Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox

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(303): View more from Colorado

Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...

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(740): View more from Ohio

you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving

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(954): View more from Florida

It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.

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(818): View more from California

he made a bald eagle out of coke lines

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(244): View more from

There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other

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(+61): View more from Australia

I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme

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(309): View more from Illinois

So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.

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