Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
