the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
