Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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