please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
