Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize