It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
