He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
